Word of the month: Fear.
Have you ever sat down with a loved one, a group of friends or even just by yourself on a Halloween night to a scary movie; popcorn in hand, blanket ready to hide behind. Thinking to yourself “it’s just on the TV, it can’t harm me”, then proceeding to flinch at every drip of the tap or gust of wind for far too long afterwards? Is there that one thing you have always wanted to do but always manage to talk yourself out of and then ponder whether if you took that step, would your life be different right now?
Our mind is an amazing phenomenon, but it can also be one of the prime limiting factors in our lives and our worst foe. While we are still months away from Halloween, I have found myself recently questioning my ability to excel towards my full potential and asking whether I can be the best version of myself, for myself and those around me. These thoughts have sent me on a journey to understand fear this month.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.”
J.K. Rowling
Fears or phobias come in many forms. There are lots that are obscure and many that in their nature seem strange. To name a few, there is:
• Fear of inanimate objects
• Fear of creatures/animals
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
Everyone knows at least one person that is afraid of spiders or heights, and it makes sense. To us, spiders are alien creatures that we don’t understand and therefore cannot connect to. Again height, to our species is alien. We weren’t born with wings or the ability to float seamlessly through the air making a gentle descent to the ground below us. We just fall. But did you know that jealousy can be defined as the “fear of losing someone or something you value”.
We are born with fear as one of our primary emotions, and it is an important one. However, I feel like fears nature and role in our lives is often pigeonholed to a certain subsection of our collective experiences. Fight, flight or freeze is an evolutionary trait that has had its roots planted deeply in our heritage for many millennia, but it doesn’t just reference the threat of physical violence as often believed, it can also be found in something as mundane as choosing what to eat. While it seems like it wouldn’t, fear can relate to choosing what to eat through the fear of choice itself. We can think to ourselves “I shouldn’t eat that, its unhealthy, I don’t want to gain weight”. That is a fear, branching from worry of gaining weight and our mind is telling us to choose food that’s right for our current wants and needs.
I don’t say this to put worry and stress in your head, or to make you so paranoid that you are walking around trying to pick out every little thing that scares you. Not all fear is the same. Choosing what to eat is less pertinent to the scarring fear you find in a life-or-death situation, but I mention it to just bring attention to it. By bringing more attention and understanding to your own fear, you are better equipped to face it head on and move towards overcoming those fears. One of the roles counselling plays in our lives is to both bring attention and understanding to those fears.
But fear only takes from us what we give it. Without the food to be able to survive and grow; just like us, fear would perish. So maybe when the opportunity arose and you didn’t do that thing you always wanted to do, or you kept misinterpreting noises after a scary movie, think whether that’s a valid response or if fear is just holding you back.
- By Patrick
References
Goodreads [online] Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/61217-it-is-impossible-to-live-without-failing-at-something-unless [Accessed on: 19th August 2021]
GoodTherapy (2012) [online] Available at: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/jealousy-causes-envy-relationships-1216127 [Accessed on: 19th August 2021]