Word Of The Month: Compassion
Last month we spoke about empathy, which refers to our ability to place ourselves in another's world, imagining emotions and thoughts from their perspective. This month, we talk about compassion, when our thoughts and feelings for others turn into a desire to help and show our care for others. We will also touch on self-compassion, turning our compassion for others onto ourselves.
How do you feel about showing compassion to others? Everyone is different in how they experience compassion. You may find it easy to be compassionate to others, or you may find it difficult and especially, in particular, self-compassion. Below is some compassion, and self-compassion exercises. The aim of these is to help you get in touch with your compassionate self. These exercises may bring out emotions such as anger or upset, it is an individual process. You may find it difficult to complete these exercises or find you are struggling to get in touch with your compassionate self. It is important to remember it is an individual process and to take this one step at a time. You may also find it more helpful to explore this with your counsellor.
Ensure you are in a place where you can be alone and quiet for these exercises. If any of these exercises bring up feelings of self-harm or suicide please contact Samaritans on 116 123 (free).
Compassion exercises
The idea of this first exercise is to practice imaging what it is like to be compassionate. Imagine that you are a compassionate person. Think about all the ideal qualities you would love to have. Imagine that you have them. Focus on how each quality feels. Imagine what you would act and look like (what are you dressed like? are you younger or older? what does your voice, pace and tone sound like?).
Did you know: Research shows our brain changes through imagining.
The idea of this second exercise is to fill your mind with memories about being compassionate to others. Remember a time when you felt very caring towards someone (or an animal). Notice any feelings in your body that emerge. Then, think about a person or people who you want to help be free of suffering. What does this look and feel like? (what is the sound, tone and pace of your voice?) How are you feeling about being kind to them? (Is this easy or difficult? Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable?).
Self-compassion exercises
Write a letter to yourself, including your difficulties at the moment, but from your compassionate side. Allow yourself to understand and accept your feelings. You may start with 'I am upset. I am struggling. I struggle, and it is understandable because...[fill]. You may then want to include what you would like yourself to know, and what you may find helpful. If you struggle with this exercise, you may find it helpful to imagine your compassionate self writing to you, for example 'Hi X, it has been really difficult lately. You struggle when you are around people and talking about emotions. It is understandable why you are feeling low because you have so much going on, and have little time to yourself. You can get through this, you are strong and caring'.
The idea of this second exercise is to consider other perspectives of yourself. Write a short letter about yourself from the point of view of someone close to you who cares about you. Your letter may include (X= your name): I have known X for [fill]. I find X to be [fill]. I think X struggles with [fill]. I like X because [fill]. X's strengths are [fill]. It would help X if she could [fill].
Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.
Christopher Germer
Fear of compassion
Some people can recognise that they find it difficult to be compassionate to themselves, and even others, but want to practice becoming more compassionate. Others may feel resistant, that they do not deserve to be kind to themselves. They may see it as being weak, self-indulgent or even selfish. These beliefs, feelings and thoughts from the past may be getting in the way of moving forward to being more compassionate. If you feel you would like to learn more about your pattern of thinking and behaving, contact Relational Counselling.
– By Melissa
References
Gilbert, P. (2009) Overcoming Depression. London: Robinson.
Reddan, M., Wager, T. and Schiller, D. (2018) 'Attenuating Neural Threat Expression with Imagination', Neuron, 100 (4): 994. doi: 10.1016/j.neuron.2018.10.047.